You're My Crack of Sunlight
by Sullen Kitty
Summary: Oneshot. What was Jenny thinking during Judgment Day I? Inspired by Pink’s “I’m Not Dead”.


**Title:** You're My Crack of Sunlight

**Summary:** Oneshot. What was Jenny thinking during Judgment Day I? Inspired by Pink's "I'm Not Dead".

**Disclaimer:** I neither own NCIS nor Pink's beautiful song "I'm Not Dead".

**A/N:** I've been wanting to do a fic like this for a while. It's very choppy, because that's what people's thoughts are like – fast, fleeting ideas that come and go very quickly and sort of run into each other.

Isn't "I'm Not Dead" so very Jenny? Lol.

No, I will never, ever, ever give up on Jibbs. There will be plenty of fanfiction of the Jibbsish nature in the future. I couldn't bear to let Jenny go. :)

---

"Mr. Oshimida."

Flip back almost thirteen years. "Oshimida."

Russia. Back in the days of my being an agent, with Decker and Jethro.

Shit. That woman. My past's come back to bite me in the ass.

Maybe not just me. Decker's dead.

_Jethro._

Quick, take a couple pictures. Send them to Abby, get them analyzed.

Shit, Jen. Your biggest fuck-up is trying to kill you and Jethro.

-

You called Franks. Good girl. As soon as you say Jethro's name, he'll be on board.

_I can't believe you didn't kill her. _

I was so new at the game!

_No excuses. _

I know. Especially because I put Jethro in danger.

Find the clues that Decker left you. Get to them before they can get to Jethro.

_What about me?_

I don't care.

-

You've got the location to the diner. Mike jumped on board, just like you thought.

_Bringggg._

Shit. Ziva again. Much as I love the girl, she's got to stop calling me every two seconds.

Hit the ignore button.

_Drive, Jennifer._

-

Got the code. Got the pictures. Just like back in the old days.

Memory's a little rusty, but it'll pass.

Mike's a little crude, but he's helpful. It's good to know that no matter what happens today, he'll always have Jethro's back.

_Won't you?_

Not always. Maybe not even as long as Mike will.

_You're sick…_

Yeah. But that's not what's gonna kill me.

-

Remember when you and Jethro were in Paris?

There was a story on the news about a man who died saving his girlfriend from a house fire. Jethro thought that was one of the bravest things anyone could do, die while trying to save someone you love.

Tragically romantic. Story of my life.

End of my life?

Better this than lying uselessly in a hospital bed on life support. Suicide by Russian terrorist, not exactly Romeo and Juliet but appropriate for our situation.

I'll die to save him.

_No regrets._

A single regret – Jethro and I didn't try again. I regret that.

_Anything else?_

No.

-

_You love Jethro._

Yes.

_You'd die to save him?_

Without a backwards glance.

_Do you think he loves you?_

Haven't the faintest clue. I hope he does.

_You do?_

I used to. Maybe it'll be better for him after this happens if he doesn't.

_You know he does._

Yeah, I do.

-

Waiting in the diner all by myself. Mike went to the head. My mind isn't going to settle down after that conversation.

All about Jethro. Of course. What else could the final moments of my life be spent discussing?

Mike knows I still love Jethro, that I regret leaving him. I hope he passes that information down the grapevine.

Even after being separated for so many years, we ended up together at NCIS. I know he thought about me the same way I thought about him.

Even when he was with Hollis - before I was showing my obvious loathing for the woman - his eyes still lingered on me longer than they did on her.

She noticed it. So did Tony and Ziva.

That man drove me crazy. The sexual tension in the office was getting very close to cracking in a very explosive way that would have left both of us dissatisfied.

God I love him.

_You're not doing this for just Jethro's preservation – you're doing it for yours, too._

I'm already dying. There's nothing to preserve.

_What if you live?_

If the sound of those feet crunching up the walk is anything to go by, I damn well don't have long.

-

Guns. A bullet hits my arm.

_Fuck, that hurts._

Keep going. Shoot. Pull the trigger.

Another bullet grazes me.

_Ow. Ow. Motherfucker._

The world is tilting.

_Keep pulling the trigger, Jennifer._

Get them all. Maybe Mike can finish them off if I miss.

_Jesus Christ, I'm bleeding all over the place._

I won't miss. I'm protecting someone.

_They're all down._

Good, because I'm fading fast.

I love you, Jethro.

_You can do the math a thousand ways_

_But you can't erase the facts_

_That others come and others go_

_But you always come back_

_I'm a winter flower underground_

_Always thirsty for summer rain_

_And just like the change in seasons_

_I know you'll be back again_

_I'm not dead_

_Just floating_

_Underneath the ink of my tattoo_

_I've tried to hide my scars from you_

_I'm not scared_

_Just changing_

_Right behind the cigarette and the devilish smile_

_You're my crack of sunlight_

**-Fin-**


End file.
